I BELIEVE, THEREFORE I SPEAK 2 Co 4:13
Mar 10, 2022
On the 10/02/2022 I posted on social media about the significance of the year for me. “2022 is a year of celebration in this house. We celebrate 10 years of [living where I live]. I celebrate 10 years of being a Christian. Our youngest ones got baptised. We turn 40. It all makes me look back and reflect on my life.
The outcome of my reflections might become little nibbles of testimony posted here. I am hesitant as I am not looking to debate or discuss my life. Some people might think of my words as "opinions", yet they are the outcome of walking against my own thinking and way of doing things. I am not wanting to give life tips and strategies. But I am hoping that there is one or two of you out there who know there is more to life than this cycle of pointless suffering, and maybe, snippets of testimony, might help you to be found”.
It is exactly one month after that I am sitting here writing this page. My many attempts to write “nibbles of testimony” proved impossible to not end up with all-you-can-eat-buffet style writing instead. Many things came to my attention in that time and, as I have spent time considering if and how to navigate this adventure, the The Lord Spoke to me these words. With them came a major point of repentance in my heart for concerning myself with the affairs of this world. It became clear to me that the works He accomplished on the cross have everything to do with His house, His church, the heavenly Jerusalem and who I am as His daughter...who we are as His children.
“O Lord, according to all Your righteousness, I pray, let Your anger and Your fury be turned away from Your city Jerusalem, Your holy mountain; because for our sins, and for the iniquities of our fathers, Jerusalem and Your people are a reproach to all those around us. Now therefore, our God, hear the prayer of Your servant, and his supplications, and for the Lord’s sake cause Your face to shine on Your sanctuary, which is desolate. O my God, incline Your ear and hear; open Your eyes and see our desolations, and the city which is called by Your name; for we do not present our supplications before You because of our righteous deeds, but because of Your great mercies. O Lord, hear! O Lord, forgive! O Lord, listen and act! Do not delay for Your own sake, my God, for Your city and Your people are called by Your name.” Daniel 9:15-19
I have had a post ready for a few days. Yet I am finding myself like the apostle Peter, denying Jesus time after time. I think about who I am today and how God has renewed my mind and, what terrifies me the most about sharing it, is the response from Christians 😰. It is a grieving confession but one that reassures me: There is absolutely no personal benefit in doing this! There is no desire of mine that can be satisfied here. Left to my own devices, I would not choose to put myself through this experience. So, I am fully comfortable with my accountability before Him for taking this step.
Peter recoiled after the Jews (the God believers of his time, if I can emphasize), who had gathered up to witness the punishment of Jesus that they demanded, recognised him as His follower. In my head, the comments go along the lines of “Oh, so you are one of those who believe X, Y and Z, 😠🙅🏽♂️ !!”. The thing is, what I believe, is not of my own doing but His (a topic on its own). So this is how I am finding myself recoiling and denying Him!
If you’re a Christian, you might be asking yourself “are you saying that us Christians are bad people and you’re the only one hearing and knowing God?”. No. I do not believe that and, if this writing thing continues, and you give me the benefit of the doubt, you might come to know my heart. The point I am making and the reason why I have taken the plunge with this is, Christianity today has walked a long (looooooong) way away from what Jesus and the apostles established. It started even before Paul died. The evidence is that his letters are addressed to Christians and Christian churches he established! And if you have read them, you know that he often rebuked them.
I am not believing I am the church’s saviour. I have nothing of myself that can do anything for anyone. All I have is a long list of the many ways God has cleansed me, has been faithful to restore me time and again, has renewed my mind even through my getting offended at His word (plenty of times). My hope is that some of you out there, will bear witness in your spirit to what He’s done in my life, and see how He’s wanting to do the same with all of us and His church.
Daniel’s prayer is a prayer that we should all be praying. But we can’t pray it if we are thinking the church is fine and we have nothing to repent of! There is a desolation in the church. If there wasn’t, Jesus would not have taken the time to warn us all through the gospels that many in the church would fall away and, many others in the church would attempt to deceive us. If you believe the entirety of the same Bible I do, if you believe in the book of Revelation, then you will have to believe that when Jesus says He has “something against” every church, that includes you and I. We need Him to speak to us and expose our hearts, and we need Him to keep our hearts open to hear and see what those things are, we need Him to give us the humility receive His word to repent from those things. His body needs full restoration and be ready for the great ingathering.
If the church does not know how to repent, how can we, indeed how do we, ask those in the world to do it? If we can’t see our sin and and get offended when someone loves us enough to expose our sin to us, how do we expect others to accept it themselves? These writings are about the peaceable fruit that results from letting Him discipline us on and through His cross. Eat as you please. It is a banquet. "freely [I] received, freely [I] give(!!)" (Mat 10:8).
